In this third part of Paul Schwarz's ongoing series, "ZZ Frost" and "DUB" of Dutch underground extreme metal screw-arounds The Sodomised Abortions continue to listen -- alongside the pesky pommy, no less -- through their collective music haul from Germany's Rock Hard festival (see Gigs for write-up, still coming soon -- and I will kick Paul for this soon, by the way). 'The List' (see below) will be featured in each episode of this rant 'series'. Ratings will appear only in the body text of any given 'episode': you'll have to piece them together if you're thinking 'music library block labelling ahoy!' you sailor. Me, I've got to get back to surveying the arctic rustcult -- and if you want to know what that's all about, you'll have to watch this space -- Operation Unearth the Murmansk Scene is slated for the beginning of the new tax year.

Series One: In Ede and Extreme

Written, edited, transcribed and paraphrased by: Paul Schwarz

A campsite in Ede, a relatively modest collective haul of CDs and DVDs, a messenger that won't go away, the opinions of others at the touch of a button. What a perfect recipe, eh, hockey fans?

The List (cheapest to dearest; min €5.00, max €16.00)

1. In Blackest Velvet - _Insuisight_ (self-released CD, 6 tracks, 2006 - free) [SEE MFSG #2]

2. Deceased - _Up the Tombstones Live 2000_ (CD, 10 tracks, 2000 - bought)

3. Nevermore _The Politics of Ecstacy_ (CD, 10 tracks, 1996 original - bought) [SEE BELOW]

4. Venom - _Hell at Hammersmith (Live in London)_ (DVD, 60 mins stated run-time, "powered by Rock Hard", 15 tracks including "bass solo", recorded live 1985, original line-up - bought) [SEE BELOW]

5. Unsane - _Blood Run_ (CD, 11 tracks, 2005 - bought) [SEE BELOW]

6. The Chasm - _Conjuration of the Spectral Empire_ (CD, 11 tracks, 2003 - bought)

7. Forbidden - _Raw Evil Live at the Dynamo_ (CD, 4 tracks, 1998 re-release of 1989 live recording) [SEE BELOW]

8. Faith No More - _The Real Thing_ (CD, 1989, 11 tracks - bought) [SEE MFSG #2]

9. Hypocrisy - _Abducted_ (CD, digipack, 13 tracks, 1996 album - bought) [SEE MFSG #1]

10. Extreme Noise Terror - _Damage 381_ (CD, 10 tracks, 1997 - bought)

11. Nattefrost - _Terrorist (Necronaut PT.1)_ (CD, digipak, 13 tracks - bought) [SEE MFSG #1]

12. Immortal - _Damned in Black_ (CD, 7 tracks, 2000 - bought) [SEE MFSG #1]

13. Immortal _Blizzard Beasts_ (CD, 8 tracks, 1997 - bought) [SEE MFSG #1]

14. Necrophagia - _Necrotorture Sickness_ (DVD, 120 mins stated run-time, 16-track show inclusive of "credits" and "young burial", no booklet, 'extras' may be lengthy, RS is allegedly the label so it is allegedly legit - bought) [SEE MFSG #2]

15. Darkthrone - _Panzerfaust_ (CD, 7 tracks, 1995 - bought) [SEE MFSG #1]

16. Kroda - _Toward the Firmaments Verge of Life_ (CD, 9 tracks, 2005 - bought) [SEE MFSG #1]

17. Nocturnus - _A Farewell to Planet Earth_ (bootleg DVD, 17 tracks, no booklet, 'released' 2004, recorded '91-'97 - bought) [SEE MFSG #1]

18. Crux (Cz) - _Rev Smrti - Scream of Death_ (CD, 11 tracks including 4 marked as "bonus", 2006/7 release for tracks recorded from '90-'06 - bought)

19. DHG - _Supervillian Outcast_ (CD, 15 tracks, 2007 - bought)

20. The Crown - _14 Years of No Tomorrow_ (3-DVD, 2005 - bought) [SEE MFSG #2]

21. Dead Kennedys - _The Early Years_ (DVD, 9 tracks, no booklet, 30 mins stated and actual total run-time - bought)

22. Extreme Noise Terror - _From One Extreme to Another_ (probably bootleg DVD, 2002, 11 tracks and interview extra, no booklet - bought)

[Marking scheme: * to ***** or 'one to five', often with vague classification. Editor's discretion, ultimately.]

Episode Three: Where Blood Runs and Northern Devils Howl

There's fresh coffee brewed, made with a (if you're serious about your camping) portable machine of Dutch design which is genius and we need one, ZZ insists to DUB, whose eyes roll as if in reply. Also clearing a path to our collective cerebal cortexes is the music of UNSANE, a New York crew known by too few. An easy band to miss for metalheads not plugged into the hardcore scene, claims ZZ. They draw respect from all sides at this virtual table, from those utterly unaccustomed to their bludgeoning brilliance to others who claim they heard some stuff a few years back. ZZ tries to speak like he knows what he's talking about when he tells us how awesome last year's _Visqueen_ was. After some intent listening, we'd have to agree. Apparently, some longtime fans saw this as the boring album -- ZZ shoots me down for making conversation with the borrowed opinions of others, and the record is finished in silence. Well, there is no talking: noise is made when that pesky table breaks under the weight of a stoned air-guitar hero shooting the thunder all the way onto his ass. ZZ claims he loves the album, but quickly clips two tracks as "unnecessary" and reprograms the CD for another go-'round. To be fair, I did check out his workings later. He'd got it just right. [Trimmed to nine tracks by the omission of "D Train" and "Dead Weight": ****]

Released with the popular German metal magazine's name on it, the live VENOM concert film _Hell at Hammersmith_ is like every other bit of Venom live footage any of us have encountered: the fact that it is allegedly "powered by Rock Hard" is no help, for it is not the quality of the audio but the ability of the players which always lets down live Venom -- plus we all have questions as to how RH power gives good sound. It might as well have Wolf from Gladiator power. Imagine Spinal Tap stripped to a mean three-piece, turned Geordie by a combination of irradiated amphetamines, booze and some well-placed bricks, making a mockery of your favourite Venom material before your very eyes. "I don't think it needed the bass solo", remarks ZZ dryly. In light of this experience, we appeal to you, the readers of CoC: is there such a thing as good, live, original line-up Venom? ZZ says yes, but now he's going on about how he used the line "Want me to be the Alien to your Vasquez, baby?" on a 'lady' (my mother said never call her one, and I understand her reasoning) down Soho way, got a frozen stare and the retort, "Have you ever been mistaken for a man?" It's hard to tell at this remove if he's also jacking it right now -- apparently he likes getting hit -- did he mean on? Surely not -- and this 'lady' was not giving out geek call sign for "Slam your log betwixt my nethers". He just watched "Serenity" again, he says. Good going mate -- and your verdict on Venom is? Thumbs down. Right. What a stonewaller. Fair comment though. [Try before you buy, unless you've overwatched "Spinal Tap", "Fear of a Black Hat" and even gone as far to stoop to "Legalised Murder" [sic] for kicks. Soon, ZZ says, he will deliver 'Live at Studio 54'. Apparently Cronos doesn't know everything, or something. ZZ is medicated, let's remember. I remember that '85 Slayer footage being dynamite, but this is Venom and not 'bang your head 'til you're dead'-worthy by any stretch of the imagination: **]

The coffee is massaging reality like a sexy, abrasive yet briskly weilded mop. I fear that mop, DUB chips in. It's also causing my thoughts to wander -- the coffee, that is -- which is why I've only been half following ZZ's diatribe concerning FORBIDDEN. It was provoked by our current spin, _Raw Evil Live at the Dynamo_. But it's not about his love for or even hatred of the Bay Area band -- who, famously for people who grew up with '90s Slayer and missed thrash the first time 'round, used to feature Paul Bostaph pounding their skins -- that ZZ now goes on and on and on. He's just recounting all the people he met recently who kept telling him to check out Forbidden. He was riding in a car with a fitted DVD player through a windy 'Eastern city' (he says it might have been Greece -- DUB reminds him thaty Greece is not a city) and 'a German' and 'the native driver' were nattering on about how great 'The Green Album' was. And another German was saying it was shit. Then they put it on and he smiled and nodded politely, but wasn't too impressed. So he was interested to hear this. But he talked through it and we kinda missed everything but the "Victim of Changes" cover at the beginning, which was reasonable but dispensible. No-one's fire was ignited, Forbidden fans. We'd say we're sorry, but it would be a lie. [Bearing in mind no-one remembers it: ***]

From the South of the US's west coast, we flick our cursor up and zoom in on Seattle. Google Maps doesn't show Starbucks' headquarters with a big target as DUB had hoped, and anyway, "We has friends there, precious." You have no idea how amusing that sounds in broadly inflected Dutch-accented English. ZZ snorts that this mysterious West-coaster is also in a band -- but that's a story for another time. We're not looking at Seattle in order to destroy anything or visit a friend. We're just scrutinising a map of the city where NEVERMORE cut their teeth because, y'know, that's what you do when the Internet's there to fiddle with like the ultimate cats cradle -- God bless you, sunny-day CERN scientists look to trade memos. But not everyone is entirely sold on the _The Politics of Ecstasy_. As awesome as the mad, seemingly meandering rhythms are, "Dane's lyrics have that Nocturnus-like clumsiness", says ZZ, and as much as we get where the guy is coming from, we can't keep a straight face and disagree. It works for metal, is the best answer offered at the time, though no-one can recall who offered it. [Generous fanboy editor says: ****]

Report #3 ends...

[Copyright from SODOMISED ABORTION PRODUCTIONS, 2008]

[Featuring the music and words of Forbidden, Nevermore, Unsane and Venom; or it would have, if we were offering podcasts or FREE... <click here to learn about how to get podcasts not for free>]