Anti-social Networking.
Dipping our toes into the tumultuous pond of the internet.
by: Daniel Cairns
Just a quick little item, my firm friends. We, the (mostly) sexy people at Chronicles of Chaos, have deemed it wise to tentatively embrace the fattening husk that is social networking media. Don't worry! It won't change anything. You'll still be able to read the same quality reviews of symphonic-grind-crunk that we're famous for. It's just that along with that, we'll be stretching our corpse-painted feelers into hitherto unexplored crevices of the Internet.

So!

Picture it. You're on Facebook. You have loads of friends on it and you talk to people that in reality you just cannot stand. Pretty good, isn't it? But you've always felt that something was missing from your Facebook experience.

Well ponder no longer! We've pooled together and created a Lily Alle... Chronicles of Chaos Facebook account! And here it is! Look! With your eyes! Look at us! We are waving at you!

Now your friend roster is truly complete! You can tell your friends 'Hey! I have unprecedented access into the CoC webzine! It is like having a direct line to God or something!'

However, we know Facebook isn't for all of you. I myself am not on it, as I'd just use it to stalk ex-girlfriends and people I hated at school. And I'd cry, as they're all probably more successful and happier than I will ever be. The cunts.

But fear not, you sociopathic morons! There's a way you can 'network' with us without having to get any proper friends, because we have a Twitter account too! You can find that... here!

That's right! It's like Facebook for the ADD-afflicted, and it's at your service 24/7 (or when I can be arsed). Every time CoC gets an update, it'll appear on the Twitter feed. For example, when sexy old Brian Meloon contributes an article about some unpronounceable technical spazz band that he's found, chances are that within a few minutes, it'll be linked to on the Twitter site! Even when it's not being updated, the goon in charge of the account tends to talk utter shite because he's a waffling prick, and somehow managed to get the first CoC Twitter account suspended because he made jokes about Miley Cyrus and blowjobs. Anyhoo...

We also have a myspace at myspace.com/cocmag, but by the looks of things it's deader than a whimsical child-obsessed pop star. You never know though, it might stage a Lazarus style resurrection, and if not, there's a picture of our own Jackie Smit on the page, looking very muss.

So join us, my black-clad frowning brethren, as we sally forth into a brave new world! Before we get bored and return to masturbating over pictures of Maria Brink. Man, I would smash her pastie so hard.

Raaaaaaaaaaaargh!

(article submitted 28/7/2009)


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