On the other hand though, some of you need to be told that you're fucking useless. Since starting my tenure here, I've heard more shit metal than I have at any other point in my life. Generic death metal, generic black metal, generic 'fucking poncey arsed, melodic rock with delusions of grandeur' metal.

Seriously chaps, why can't you all do what Necro Deathmort have done?

No word of a lie, Necro Deathmort will be in my top ten at the end of the year. Their album _This Beat Is Necrotronic_ is a triumph. It mixes the crushing heaviness of doom, and the gloomy subtlety of trip hop. It's such an obvious mix, you wonder why it hasn't been done before. It's the most original record I've heard in what seems like an aeon.

Of course, lots of you will hate it. They don't take themselves remotely seriously. The deliberately kvlty name is a giveaway, and they have songs with funny titles like "I Fought the Law, But the Law Won (Because Fighting Is Against the Law)". Their friend list on MySpace consists of such metal legends as cuckolded Peter Andre and Shaggy.

It's also primarily an electronic record, as glitched spastic beats and relaxed grooves dominate. When the metal does kick in though, it's the kind that'd give Stephen O'Malley a ten tonne stonk-on, with a rumbling subwoofer molesting bass attack that'd induce pant shitting for miles around.

This is not immediate music. It's the kind of music that needs to be appreciated on a moody journey home on a train or something, as you stare at your fellow passengers with murderous intent. It's the kind of music that you'd stick on at three in the morning when you're in a foul mood and can't get to sleep.

Basically, it's as if Matthew Rozeik and AJ Cookson (the duo behind the moniker) have looked into my head with some strange device, and made exactly the kind of music I love. That the record came so unexpectedly (I must confess when I saw their name, I feared another attitude-filled heap of douche) is another positive factor.

Before you ask, no, the band have not slipped me a tenner or threatened my pets. This gushing is genuine. I've had a couple of months to wrap my head around the record, and it still sounds fresh. I suggest you all investigate and do the same.

As I said before, _This Beat Is Necrotronic_ will be in my top ten of the year, along with the likes of Mastodon, Agoraphobic Nosebleed and many other luminaries. That Necro Deathmort can join that list with none other than their fucking debut album is an astonishing feat. One can only wonder what the sophomore effort will be like.

No pressure, lads!