Agoraphobic Nosebleed - _Agorapocalypse_
(Relapse, 2009)
by: Daniel Cairns (10 out of 10)
Every so often, something comes along that blows your balls (or fanny; there's no sex discrimination here) clean off. I haven't heard a metal album do that in a long time. Truth be told, I've recently been somewhat ennui-stricken when it comes to all things extreme. Save for the new Mastodon (which isn't even that metal really), nothing much has erected my metalliphallus.

And then I heard the new Agoraphobic Nosebleed.

Basically, _Agorapocalypse_ is a force ten nuke in the rotting cunt of an increasingly tame musical landscape, and you owe it your undivided attention. It grinds and rages harder than any other release I've heard this year, and is the musical equivalent of being fired out a cannon and into a volcano.

Starting with "Agorapocalypse Now", it never lets up in its sub-30 minute running time. It's an acid laced melting pot of power-violence, sludge, grind and hardcore, with lyrics about time machines, drugs, genitals and the general stupidity of the human race. "Nose deep in Jamaican Armpit Pussy! Tongue-fucking the Spider Hole!" It's absolutely fucking perfect, basically.

Whilst previous records felt like exercises in naughtiness (much akin to Anal Cunt), _Agorapocalypse_ feels like the real deal. This is a record, not so much dripping with hate, but gushing like a blood drenched Niagara Falls. Guitarist Scott Hull has even said that this feels like the first proper ANb release, and he's not wrong. It doesn't feel like a series of gazillion mile per hour blastbeats anymore either. These are songs with structure, hooks and intent, and they're catchy as fuck.

It's no coincidence that ANb have released their best record since new vocalist Kat (also of seminal doomsters Salome) entered the fold. She's quite simply a revelation, and shows other lady vocalists how it's done. This isn't shitty ineffectual Angela Gossow style growling here. The woman's in possession of a full throated roar that shames pretty much every other metal vocalist ever, and perfectly complements the demented ravings of Richard Johnson and J. Randall. She also adds a new dimension to the ANb sound, and makes them that much more terrifying and exciting as an entity.

Simply put, _Agorapocalypse_ will be the album of the year. It proves that in this homogenised, pussy-whipped age, metal can still be a staggering, sense-buggering assault. Dismiss it at your peril, because you'll be missing out on the kind of violence that made you fall in love with noise in the first place.

Also, there's a song called "Druggernaut Jug Fuck". Fucking beat THAT.

Contact: http://www.agoraphobicnosebleed.com

(article published 29/5/2009)


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