CoC : Mortician - Chainsaw Dismemberment : Review

Mortician - _Chainsaw Dismemberment_
(Relapse, 1999)
by: Paul Schwarz (0 out of 10)

Boring, uninventive, unnecessary. Three words which have always applied to Mortician, and which fit _CD_ like a glove. That said, this is the closest to enjoyable slab of Mortician I have yet listened to. If you are as yet uninitiated to the "delights" of Mortician, my advice would be to stay that way. However, if you want to know what you're letting yourself in for should you decide to indulge in the dubious pleasure of listening to _CD_, here is what will await you. Mortician produce death metal of a distinctly fuzzed-out, dirge-like quality. The structures mimic early grindcore/death bands like Carcass and, though mostly conducting themselves at lightning speeds (attained with the aid of a drum machine), Mortician also ear-mark the likes of Celtic Frost and Autopsy as influences by virtue of occasionally slowing their pace and attaining a more sludge-based sound. They constantly intersperse various obscure and classic horror movie samples into their albums to serve as intros of sorts for songs. For the record, the above mentioned bands to whom I compare Mortician, are themselves bands I respect and like very much, so explanation is needed as to why, though sounding somewhat like them, I think Mortician suck so supremely. Mortician's riffs are boring, almost beyond belief; the epitome of bad grindcore death. They lack any creativity when placed in a late-nineties context, and do absolutely nothing but bore seven shades of shit out of me. They don't invigorate, convey emotion; anything. The structures for songs which they employ are similarly unexciting, there is nothing creative or endearing, and I feel only the most primitive of minds could have failed to come up with structures of the complexity Mortician utilise. The drum programming is atrociously boring and lacking in creativity (there's that word again), no impressive breaks or rolls, nothing to excite, just percussive 4/4 smashes, occasional standard rhythm playing, and blast beats all the rest of the way. Will Rhamer tops it all off marvellously by barfing and grunting his way (like a man committing illegal acts of buggery with a wild animal, who is not sure whether his actions sicken or excite him) through this 48 minute (minus samples) trip through a death metal dumpyard of reused riffs, tired old lyrical themes and the out of date, decaying idea that brutality is all that a death metal album needs to be good. A number of people have proclaimed that Mortician are "cult" when I express my extreme dislike for them; being "cult" is no excuse for being crap. _Chainsaw Dismemberment_ richly deserves a 0 out of 10. It sets out to achieve very little in a time when death metal has come so far I would have thought we'd be in a position to demand more than just brutality out of it, and doesn't even succeed in its one stated aim: to prove Mortician are the most brutal band on the planet. They are not. They instead embody the kind of pig-headed idiocy that holds music in general, and styles like death metal especially, back. If you want brutality of a similarly short and sweet variety, I suggest you check out Assuck's _Misery Index_ or Nasum's _Inhale/Exhale_, just two of the hundreds of records more brutal and just plain -better- than anything the primeval intelligence of Mortician could ever come up with.

(article published 12/8/1999)

ALBUMS
8/12/2001	P Schwarz		Mortician - Domain of Death
4/13/1998	A Wasylyk	1	Mortician - Zombie Apocalypse
2/4/1997	A Bromley	6	Mortician - Hacked Up for Barbecue
2/9/1996	G Filicetti	5	Mortician - House By The Cemetary

GIGS
5/13/2001	M Noll	Marduk / Mortician / Vader / God Dethroned / Amon Amarth / Mystic Circle / Sinister / ...And Oceans / Bal Sagoth	Baptized by Fire and Beer